This bike.

m_66741_1.jpgIt’s in the clearance section at Sierra Trading Post. Marked down to $460 from $840… plus a 20% off coupon I found at FatWallet, and another $20 off for using Google checkout. And the Fatwallet forums give hints on getting free shipping, which would bring the total to around $330, for a brand new road bike. Just the thing I need to replace the one that got stolen last January.

Only, of course, I don’t have that kind of cash. Period. So I’ll have to look, and lust, but not push the button.

And of course, one item on a wish list always leads to another, in the way that owning things generally requires you to own (or at least want) more things. In my case, though, it’s not a materialistic desire so much as some pretty basic human ones. When I’m biking, I feel as though I’m flying. So there’s the desire to do something I love, which is healthful for me and makes me feel good.

And I can’t have that. And that makes me wish I weren’t so broke, cash-wise. And that makes me wish I had a job, wish that I hadn’t spent the last six months in this so-far fruitless search for gainful employment. Or rather, that said search hadn’t been fruitless. And there are oh-so-many reasons I wish that.

So, while I find I have a longish list of material things I want on my wish list, it’s really the facts that are represented by the fact that I can afford none of them that hurts. The list of things I’d like to buy, if I could, changes constantly. What I really want — the desire to be self-sufficient again? That never budges.

I’m not exactly a beggar, no. But one day, I want to ride again.